Celebrity Apprentice: I, Serta, Take Thee, Wang

We witnessed holy mattressmony right before our very eyes this week. No, it wasn't Omarosa and Stephen doing the horizontal hoochie. They had to work, while vertical, with no hoochie involved and it was forced upon them -- compliments of Donald Trump. But to be honest it was really all Piers fault. He's such a haughty Brit that the oh so Christian Baldwin brother couldn't stand to be in his presence. Donald probably flipped his wig when Stephen told him he wanted to quit. No quitting for you Stephen! Go play with the ladies after you finish up in church.

I, Serta, take thee, Wang, to be my cash cow. To cradle and comfort, from this day forward, for skinny people and smelly people, for ritzy shops and outlet malls, in lumpiness or in fluffiness, to love and to cherish 'till kids sans diapers do us part. And hereto I pledge you my tag.

Vera Wang and the Serta mattress company have teamed up to make the next world's best mattress. Wang and some dude named Bob (OK, he's the president of Serta) want the teams to create a living display of their joint venture. Now get your mind out of the gutter. This would be one of those window design tasks.

Both Hydra's and Empresario's designs were absolutely lovely. Vera certainly thought so. I thought she was going to piddle all over the sidewalk when she viewed Empresario's rather traditional display of newlyweds greeting their bed for the first time. I was mistaken. She could barely hold back her glee when viewing the men's presentation. Cleopatra and Mark Anthony in her bed viewing a plasma television and talking on the cell phone? Why, it's enough to send anybody into shock.

With the teams assembled in the board room along with the Donald, Junior, and his old right-hand man George (I love you George!), it was time to get down to it. Stephen professed his love for the ladies' team yet neglected to leave out the part where he said he'd be willing to be their lapdog if they would just accept him. Omarosa and Piers believed they had done the best for their teams as Project Managers but it came down to Serta making the final decision. Surprise, surprise, the guys won yet again.

Omarosa was stunned that they lost. I'm sure she'll be wearing no more of Vera's lingerie in the future. (That doesn't sound quite right but you know what I mean.) George was spot on in his critique of the ladies; there was not enough creativity and no entertainment value in their window presentation. Seriously, what groom carries his new bride over the threshold and and throws her into the baby-making contraption? How 1950s!

I thought Omarosa was making a mistake the moment she told Donald she wanted to bring Stephen back into the board room and I was right yet again. She finally chose to bring Marilu and Nely back thanks to some prodding by Donald. We all knew what was coming then....

Nely, you're fired!

Next week, we'll be treated to angry and angrier in honor of Valentine's Day. It will be Omarosa and Piers in a battle of Mean vs. Evil. I can't believe I'm going to say this but I hope Omarosa doesn't leave. Piers is an ass and the women's team will fall apart if they don't have Omarosa. I can't wait!